Seeds in the Abyss — blog 2 — 12.27.21

My brother-in-law is a great, great person — kind, considerate, and genuine. He’s 100 times the man I’ll ever be. I truly mean that and I’m not just saying that in case he reads this. He was raised in a traditional, conservative home but has developed a liberal worldview. This makes him the perfect barometer for this country and perfect for testing my based ideas. As I said, 100 times better than me, maybe 1,000 given how awful this is about to sound.

I’m not sure if I was subconsciously employing Dale Carnegie’s tricks when I was speaking or if my thoughts were extremely subtle because I did not want to be perceived as extremely extreme. Either way, it was a slow boil, and my brother-in-law said, “Well, what is the answer? A dictator?” He was only half joking and didn’t seem very upset about the idea.

Time slowed down. I took a step back mentally and thought to myself, I did that. I talked him into that thought. I walked him there, and now it’s his original idea. That will stick. He’ll think about it again.

He is very frustrated with the state of the nation and the systems in place like many others. He is not a radical like many others. He is rational and reasonable like many others (or unlike many others depending on the direction of the wind on any given day). A seed has been planted and could germinate, if this country continues to spiral out of control.

In talking with my brother-in-law about the “Clear Pill” — but not referring to it as such because using terminology or domain specific language would raise flags — I talked myself into it more. I don't need to write. I would like to spend more time with folks. Let the world burn. That thought hung with me. What am I doing writing? Do I need to make videos? Is a COVID log pretentious or worse, paranoid?

As I ruminated on that thought, the idea felt more and more appealing. I do like detaching and disengagement. I’ve done it before, but it’s not permanent. You can’t hide in this world. You can’t live in a protective bubble. You may be done with the book, but the book isn’t done with you. It’s best to kill this thing now so we can live our lives again.

The Clear Pill is a temporary remedy. It relieves the pain, but the pain comes back. Detachment is treating the symptoms not the cause. This won’t work. I’ve got to keep writing, recording, logging, screaming, yelling, and manipulating (or influencing). If I can subtly plant the idea of monarchism (libertarianism, reactionary-ism — did they -ism that yet? — whichever principled and based line of thought that you subscribe to that makes this sound less off putting, substitute that word for monarchism) into the mind of a decent man, then I can influence bad men or men of action. Hopefully decent men and decent men of action.

Nietzsche said, “Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” Maybe I’ve become a monster. Maybe the abyss stared into me and I stared back.